I don't know about every other Christian, but I think at least 90% the time I don't really feel like Paul the Apostle; and when I do, I later find out that his epistle to Timothy describes me better than him. You know what I mean? Paul the Apostle, remarked as the chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15), NEVER seems to live up to his name. I mean, as far as men go (excepting Christ)... Paul seems to be pretty on top of things. Scratch that, how many people have read through Paul's epistles and not thought that he is a total BEAST?
Like I said, most times I don't feel like Paul the Apostle. If I really had to identify myself with a New Testament character (which I personally believe we always fit in as at least one, if not multiple at a given time) I feel just like the thief on the cross.
I could be alone on this, but I've felt like I'm pinned to a tree for my sins against man. I am entirely helpless, and entirely unable to bring myself back down off the cross. I have no power to command the people who put me here to take me down, I have no power to do anything. I weep for my helplessness, I fear for my life, and I regret everything I've ever done. Then I look to my side and I see Christ crucified right along with me. I am painfully aware that I am "receiving the due reward of [my] deeds" and I am just as aware that He "has done nothing wrong" (quoted from Luke 23:41).
Along with all of that strength sapping truth, I am given the grace of the energy to turn to Him and ask along with the thief on the cross, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom". That is all I can manage. I must say that it can feel a shy shameful for not having the strength for a deep conversational prayer with the Lord, but then I remember an extremely encouraging Truth. The thief on the cross did just the same thing as I do, and praise the Lord He turned to the thief and said, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise".
While yes the ultimate truth is that one man is no greater before God than another man regardless of his perceivable strength, but it doesn't feel like that sometimes. We perceive a difference between ourself and another who has it "together" like we see Paul having it together. Someone who is being "persecuted for righteousness sake" and is not "receiving the due reward of [their] deeds". We can almost envy (a sinful expression of a lack of faith, but the Lord understands) for that person who is leaning on the Lord's strength more faithfully, and it drives us deeper into a form of depression. Regardless of the extent of our personal sanctification (driven and controlled only by the strength and power of the Lord), we are still human and we are still subject to false impressions and feelings at the (accurate) accusation of Satan.
Encouragingly, it doesn't matter if we can take ourself off the cross (because we can't), or if we're being led to the cross for things that we have actually done (which we usually are) or if we are being persecuted for Christ's sake (while the latter is better in our scope). The only thing that matters is turning to Christ and hearing His loving voice telling us that we will be with Him in paradise. The blameless one. The Holy Son. We can exult in that, we can rest in that, and we can take our deserved earthly punishment in a Godly way because nothing can separate us from Christ's love (if God's grace doesn't include taking you down off the cross, which it doesn't always) "to live is Christ, to die is gain". There is no shame in feeling like the thief on the cross, there is no fear to be had when Christ tells you that you are going to be with Him.
It seems like when you say you are pinned to the tree for your sins against man...well, it sounds like your feeling condemnation for your sin. All true punishment for our sins has been covered by Jesus blood on the cross. but you you seem right in fact that we can always turn to Him because he does sympathize with every bit of our earthly and spiritual suffering.
ReplyDeleteCondemnation from man, while it isn't a true punishment and isn't a lasting judgment -- we still do receive Earthly punishments for our sins against man, particularly the unsaved population that don't forgive, and don't understand the concept of a working grace within us.
ReplyDeleteThat is the feeling I'm talking about, it is definitely a deserved persecution because it is not a persecution for the sake of Christ, but it isn't lasting and need not be feared. Which is the point of the article.
"The only thing that matters is turning to Christ and hearing His loving voice telling us that we will be with Him in paradise. The blameless one. The Holy Son. We can exult in that, we can rest in that, and we can take our deserved earthly punishment in a Godly way because nothing can separate us from Christ's love (if God's grace doesn't include taking you down off the cross, which it doesn't always) "to live is Christ, to die is gain". There is no shame in feeling like the thief on the cross, there is no fear to be had when Christ tells you that you are going to be with Him."
Thanks for the comment though =) Grace and Peace brother,
DAT